How to Be Enigmatic

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   Keep silent more often than not. Be prepared to leave some things unsaid and to hold back on sharing your thoughts all of the time. Talk when you know it's essential but don't speak every chance you get. Not everything needs to be commented on––saying things just for the sake of being seen to be "participating" or "one of the crowd" is often simply "noise". Most importantly, your existence doesn't depend on senseless chatter; forming a powerful impression is often about how you carry yourself, how you restrain yourself from idle commentary and how you interject intelligently when it really is a purposeful and meaningful thing to do.
   
   
   
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   Don't be so keen to fill in the gaps. Pauses in conversation have a power all of their own; they can allow for reflection, they can permit the speaker to regain composure and they can also leave plenty of time for the listener's imagination to conjure up whatever it will. Sometimes it's not so much what you say as what you do not say.
   
   
   
   • When someone says the metaphorical "jump!", don't be so ready to ask "how high?" Take your time to respond to demands and requests from other people. Ask yourself––and them––questions about their motives. Tell people you would like to think about it and that you'll get back to them.
   • If someone badgers you to respond to them quickly, ask yourself "what's the rush?" and politely but firmly tell them that you will answer in due course. Permit yourself the time to weigh up options and to make good decisions; this is such a lost art for many, that it will seem rather enigmatic and alluring.
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   Be cautious about how much information about yourself you share. In a world where we're constantly told that we have to speak up or risk never been noticed, too much talking and giving away all of your intent, dreams and desires can result in information overload and stereotyping. With nothing left to share, the mystery has gone and it can sometimes be hard to change people's perceptions of you because they've heard too much about who you think you are now. Don't box yourself in––be judicious with what you tell acquaintances and strangers about yourself; be more generous with those closer to you.
   
   
   
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   Be creative in your conversations with other people. Small talk by nature tends to be very banal and tedious. It's about the weather, work hassles, childcare, traffic snarls, more weather, the cost of living, etc. Ultimately, small talk is not the domain of an enigmatic person. Be prepared to tackle the slip into banality through creative responses:
   
   
   
   • Whenever the conversation descends into the same old worn-out topics, comment on how extraordinary you find it that people resort to such typical topics when they have a chance to come together. Then, change the topic to something far more meaty and enticing; the more complicated and fascinating, the better for your enigmatic status.
   • Change typical statements and responses into poetry, lyrics or philosophizing. Don't give the usual responses to questions like "How are you?" and don't explain your basic feelings such as "I'm thirsty" in such monotonous ways. Be creative and say things that really make people sit up and take notice. For example, explain that you're thirsty in fun ways such as "everywhere I look I see fountains of beer, willing me to come bathe in them".
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   Expand your vocabulary. Spend time every day learning a few new words and practicing them in your usual conversations. The broader your vocabulary, the more fascinating you will sound to others and the more enigmatic you will seem when they're forced to check their dictionary to truly grasp what you're on about.
   
   
   
   • Work your brain. Let out your clever side by feeding your mind with good information and mental exercise. Do obscure riddles. Put together puzzle rings. Do word and number puzzles. Read books of obscure facts. Push yourself to learn something you thought you couldn't, like physics, cooking or another language. Challenging yourself will keep you engaged in life and thereby interesting to others who will constantly wonder how you manage to be so clued in and aware.
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   Keep your plans to yourself. Apart from those closest to you, there's no need to broadcast your whereabouts all the time. Never mention where you're going. If someone asks, reply in kind, such as "same place as you eventually" or "now that's a good question, I just wish I had the answer", and so forth.
   
   
   
   • If you plan to move away, take an item and give them to someone you care about. Tell them it's something to hold. This is the sort of behavior others always find mysterious.
   • Remove the location information and updates from your social networking accounts such as Twitter and Facebook. Online, stop calling yourself a citizen of a particular nation––you belong everywhere in the cyber world.
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   Make people work hard to get close to you. While you may have an abundance of trust, an enigmatic person also exercises a great deal of discretion in whom they place that trust. Those whom you call your nearest and dearest must earn that place by demonstrating their trust in you and not doing anything to undermine your trust in them. Equally, realize that you must also earn people's respect; it's something that can't be bought or forced.
   
   
   
   • Developing closeness with trust is a two-way street––you need to learn when it's okay to let people close enough to you. Even enigmatic people have people in their lives that they can totally rely on; it's about going for quality rather than quantity.
   • Be discerning in whom you let get close to you. Every person who is close is potentially able to expose your habits, likes and dislikes, preferences, daily routine, and the like, thereby decreasing your enigmatic factor and opening you up to prying. Choose to be close only to those who respect your need for privacy, humility and the quiet approach to life.
   • Do not suffer fools. If someone turns out to be very different from the person you thought they were and behaves crassly or stupidly such as gossiping, backstabbing, being dull or belittling you, do not hesitate to distance yourself from this person. Unless (if ever) this person is able to resolve his or her issues, this is not someone to be close to.
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   Be stoic. Stoics control their emotions and passions so that the front they present to the world appears composed, calm and unruffled. This isn't to say that you lack passion or emotion; rather, you choose not to debase yourself by acting in ways that appear overly emotional, reactive or ridiculously excited. Instead, choose to take life as it comes, react calmly to all sorts of news that comes your way and have a "well, after I've looked into it, I'll make up my mind" approach to everything. Overreacting, behaving childishly, jumping with excitement or collapsing with worry are not something you do; enigmatic people do not give much away, ever.
   
   
   
   • Steer clear of emotions and keep non-judgmental.
   • Respond through clearheaded and thoughtful actions, not through crazed emotions.
   • Take care with how you show pain. Where possible, don't show it outwardly. However, don't be a martyr either––if you have ongoing pain, physical or emotional, see your doctor. After all, what happens in private stays private and enigmatic people strive to stay healthy (because that means less pain ultimately).
   • Work out, keep fit and eat healthily. Look after your body and health so that you can stay strong in any situation.
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   Live in the present. The past has passed and you don't buy into nostalgia or weeping for the victim you once were. In fact, enigmatic people never see themselves as victims; things happen, you learn, then you move on. In particular, avoid being drawn into conversations about the past with others; whenever your colleagues, friends, teammates or whoever seem to be getting bogged down waxing about the "good old days" as if today doesn't matter, set them straight. Change the subject and return them to the here and now.
   
   
   
   • Never discuss former flames, loves, notches on your belt, conquests, whoever. If there is pain from a breakup or loss, speak to someone confidentially, such as a therapist or a trusted best friend to help you move on but never divulge such information any more widely. Your past is not fodder for today's banal bar chats.
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    Be kind and be reassuring. Enigmatic people may seem mysterious but they're not mean spirited or thoughtless. Indeed, your strong presence is often found to be reassuring because people know that you don't gossip, breach trust or hang others out to dry. You are trusted and people are likely to bring their confidences and concerns to you. When this happens:
    
    
    
    • Be kind. Compassion is both a way to support others and to maintain your enigmatic presence; in comforting others, the focus is always shifted away from you, leaving people in awe at the boundless consideration you have for fellow human beings.
    • Defend those in need. You may seem untouchable, even tough maybe, but you know that justice matters. Stand up for someone when they're bullied, harmed or treated poorly. The ability to stand up and take a principled stand is a sign of strength and a willingness to resist intimidatory attitudes around you, giving you a hero-like quality in a firmly quiet and unassuming way.
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    Be fair minded and willing to break the rules where the rules are stupid. Stupid rules are made to be broken when they don't serve their purpose; everywhere in life there are self-imposed rules, workplace rules, school and college rules and many other rules. While many rules are handy and important for the good functioning of our lives, many other rules are past their use-by date or make another's life easier at the expense of someone else. Rules breakers are independent thinkers who start movements, sway crowds and create better futures because they see outside the box and are not afraid to challenge what deserves to be changed.
    
    
    
    • Know the difference between a stupid rule and a valid rule. A stupid rule might be one that stops some people from achieving their full potential but allows more privileged people to get what they want; or, it might be one that favors conformity over innovation and creativity; or one that tells people to work harder and faster when to do so is harming them. A valid rule might be one that ensures that people don't harm themselves or others or one that ensures that everyone's opinions have been taken into account. Determining the stupidity or validity of a rule will depend on the context and your understanding of how things work in the given situation. Also, be sure to fully understand the consequences of not going along with the rules; typical responses include social ostracism, getting fired and losing out on things you wanted. Make sure that you can handle the consequences, or be so subtle nobody knows about your involvement or how the changes happened!
    • Do not confuse breaking the rules with breaking the law. Rules are all those little guidelines, preferred routines, reglets and the like, enshrined by workplaces, clubs, associations, etc.; and while many of these rules ensure the smooth running of a particular event, organization or business, they're not always clear, evident or even appropriate. Laws, on the other hand, are socially condoned, legislatively mandated realities backed by enforcement practices. Laws are things that everyone has agreed to follow together one way or another so that society functions properly as a whole. If you don't like the laws, there are many legitimate, non-violent ways to get them changed eventually and perhaps you could even make a career choice out of this. But don't break laws or you spite yourself alone and time spent in jail or shunned by society is time lost forever, let alone busting your enigmatic status.
    • Be certain that your sense of "justice" is not skewed. Those who feel victimized, angry or fearful tend to have a skewed vision of what is just. True justice is based in objective, reasoned and carefully considered reflection. It may take you years to be sure that your concerns are just but better that than to blindly create a fuss over something that really only concerns your preferences.
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    Pursue unusual interests and hobbies. Let out your inner weirdness by following an interest or hobby that is out of the ordinary and definitely something that arouses curiosity in others. Collect strange things, go on treks to places few visit, take photographs of street grates, disappear in the back shed for hours on end "doing something mysterious", attend conventions about outer space aliens, and so forth. Whatever you choose to do, don't follow the pack; even if you pursue a fairly conventional hobby or interest, find an aspect of it that others have neglected or haven't yet realized exists and make the most of becoming the foremost expert in it.
    
    
    
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    Be prepared. Always have the right tool for everything with you. Think ahead to the places you will be for the day and the types of things that might confront you and be sure to have the items on you. For darkness, have a phone with an in-built flashlight. For spills, have a stain wipe to offer the hapless victim. For cuts, pull out a Band-Aid and a little antiseptic cream. For thirst, offer your spare water. Always be prepared so that others are in awe of your effectiveness in any situation.
    
    
    
    • Enigmatic people are not likely to want to lug around a large bag of equipment. Also know how to make the most of objects around you for safety, emergency and survival purposes. Take a course in first aid; know how to use things in nature for eating, drinking and sheltering; be aware of how to use everyday objects to fix stains, mend rips and put hair back into place. Knowing how to make the most of everything is definitely the sign of an enigmatic person because it draws together self-assurance, deep knowledge, capability, ability to stay calm and composed under pressure and a willingness to give new things a try.
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    Stay relaxed. Above all, enigmatic people are not fussed about what others think of them. Nor do they try to hard to cultivate charm––charm is a by-product of being calm, thoughtful, considerate and ready to challenge the status quo. Charm is not something that can be plucked off a shelf and worn (although enigmatic people should always take care to present themselves well through good grooming and neat clothes). By staying relaxed and at ease about yourself and the situations you find yourself in, you will always manage to exude both enigma and charm.
    
    
    
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    Study the works of Carlos Castaneda, especially his later books. He developed an entire system of enigmatic behavior.